Cavalier Cavalry
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I Don't Know Anything About A Topic, So Here's A Picture With A Slogan On It!
Ok, I'm not Royal Dutch Shell's biggest fan, but when a group sets up a website, repleat with an official looking "PR Twitter Feed" and starts spewing out the modern day internet's version of Demotivationals, all in an attempt to badger said company into giving up doing what it was founded to do, I get annoyed.
Too general? Well it turns out all those "User-created" Shell slogans that were decidedly anti-Shell were actually generated inhouse by Greenpeace. Stay classy. But while they have some points, who really wants to fuck up the Arctic anymore than we have, they do it by implying that looking for oil is the sideline, that Shell's real motive for existance is, well, killing everything, everywhere.
This kind of extreme viewpoint puts me off my fresh-fried lobster every single time.
So I decided to gin up my own pictures, and skewer Greenpeace, PETA, the Republicans and the Democrats. Why? Because I want to be inspired, and all these groups do is tell me how bad their opponents are, not how good they are. It's why I drink Coca-Cola instead of Pepsi. Have you ever really noticed? A 30 second Pepsi Commercial features Coke for the first 20-25 seconds, puts it in an awkward position, and then claims, at the last second, that Pepsi is somehow "cooler". After 20 seconds of seeing Coke, I'm thirsty for Coke, thank you...
Greenpeace: Why don't you admit what you do, even if you do it for a cause.
PETA: You really can't act all superior if you've decided that your supermodels
need to be paid before your "rescued animals" need to be fed.
Tea Party: "Small government" and "Ronald Reagan" turns out to have been an oxymoron.
Democrats: Your machine is ruining the best chance you have to actually make a difference.
Quit playing internal politics and get shit done.
Ron Paul supporters: He can balance a checkbook. He knows nothing about how money works.
Republicans: Mitt Romney might be "electable" in the same way that a Burger King burger is "edible"...
Now, according to Internet Logic (TM), you are now "better informed on the events and issues of today!" (You're not. Go read some stuff off the AP or Reuters wire. Turn off the opinion shows on TV.)
20 July 2012
R. Sterling Frank II